Safe Sex Edu..

We know; most of you haven’t picked up a three-ring binder and sat at a school desk for a while — and we bet you’re fine with that. But now that fall has arrived, we’ve found one class we thought you wouldn’t mind taking: One that teaches you how to ace a date. Fact is, classes on how to meet people, possibly that one special person, are booming these days. Wonder what you can learn from them? Read on for some top teachers’ best tips — all to benefit your love life.

Do your field work
“Date as many people as you can — within reason, that is. Besides helping you improve your dating skills by getting the practice you need to become a skilled dater, going out with lots of people exposes you to the range of possibilities — good and bad — that exist among potential partners and relationships. You’ll come to cherish this knowledge when the time comes to make that all-important choice in a life partner.”
—Renée Gilbert, Ph.D., instructor of “Choosing to Love” in Bellevue, WA

Perfect your pickup line
“The most effective opening line is about being real. If you feel nervous, own it! Try saying something like, ‘Hi! My name is______. I have to confess, I’m a little nervous to introduce myself to you, but when I saw you I knew if I didn’t say something, I’d really regret it.’ This approach works for several reasons: When you say ‘I have to confess,’ you immediately engage someone’s attention. When you admit that you’re nervous, your openness and vulnerability can endear you to someone. And admitting that you would regret not saying something shows how you seize the moment — you are confident and you take action!”
—Jill Spiegel, instructor of “How to Make the Right Man Fall in Love with You” at the Learning Annex in Minneapolis, MN

Tune into nonverbal cues
“Unsure about how someone really feels about you? Learn to ‘hear’ what your date is saying by turning down the volume and ‘listening’ to all the nonverbal messages coming from his or her facial expressions, overall posture, hands and especially the eyes. If the person leans toward you and maintains an inviting posture, that’s a positive cue. Avoiding eye contact and crossing arms, on the other hand, would be negative cues. Sometimes, we can get sidetracked and blindsided by focusing on what someone is saying to us. We hang on a person’s words, spend a lot of time examining and interpreting them and are often mystified when it turns out we were completely wrong. Nonverbal cues, however, rarely lie.”
—Toni Coleman, instructor of the e-class “Communicate Your Way to Relationship Success”

Keep mum about past relationships
“Being asked about your past may strike you as an innocent question — until you really analyze it. When someone asks you about your last relationship and why it didn’t work out, the person is really asking, ‘So what’s wrong with you?’ Don’t answer that question! You can’t win, and you’ll never look good in their eyes no matter what you say. Smile and say you were with a wonderful person. If they want to know all the details, you’ll be delighted to answer all inquiries after the fourth date — that is, if they last that long.”
—Wendee Mason, instructor of DateSmart Seminars in San Diego, CA

Skip the bar scene and head to a charity event
“Whether it’s a beach cleanup, a cancer research fundraiser, a fine arts fundraiser or a Big Brother/Big Sister Bowl-a-thon, you know the people you meet there are interested in giving something back to the community and to mankind. They have a heightened sense of compassion. Those are the types of people you want to date.”
—Lisa Johnson, instructor of “How to Snare a Millionaire” at the Learning Annex in Los Angeles, CA

Treat your date like a job interview
“On your date, pretend you’re an employer who is looking to fill a vacancy in his or her company. Instead of worrying if you are smart enough, good-looking enough or funny enough, you can relax and see if your date is someone you’d like to talk to again — someone who measures up to your standards.”
—Amy Owens, instructor of “First Date Strategies” in Indianapolis, IN

Present problems as opportunities
“If you have a relationship issue brewing with a person you’ve started to date, state your problem or issue as a ‘how to.’ For example, ‘I’d like your help to figure out how we could spend some more time together on the weekends.’ People, especially men, love to be heroes and solve problems. Then back off and give him room to deliver.”
—Marty Friedman, instructor of “The Three Keys to Understanding Men” at the Learning Annex in San Francisco, CA

Don’t play games
“The games people play in dating and relationships — like trying to be ‘busy’ when they’re not or pretending to have another call coming in — are as old as time, as is the damage they cause. Any time you project an image that is not real, you are hiding your true self and playing a game you’ll eventually lose. You may win attention, sympathy, or admiration for the moment, but it won’t last — it’s only a game.”
—Dr. Les and Leslie Parrott, instructors of “Relationships I & II” at Seattle Pacific University

Laura Leu is a freelance writer based in New York City.
Article courtesy of Happen magazine, www.happenmag.com.
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