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10 Best Sex Tips from Men’s Magazines

Posted by be in mood Friday, 20 January 2012 0 comments


Have you ever sneaked a look at your boyfriend’s or husband’s magazines? A peek inside the pages of your guy’s subscriptions can reveal a lot about him, particularly the articles about sex. Too shy to look? We’ve scoured his favorite monthlies and websites to reveal a list of sex tips that are instructive, surprising and downright informative. Warning: You may blush.
1. Sex Isn’t a Race
Men’s Health magazine’s so-called “#1 sex tip”? We expected something ultra-racy, but we have to agree that this tip takes the prize: Slow down, fellas! “Sex isn't a race, so take time to explore her,” the editors write. “Focus on her thighs and lower belly. Make a mental circle 2 inches around the outside of her vagina and don't cross the line while you kiss, lick and caress.”
Photo by Tetra Images / Getty.

2. In Praise of the Scalp Massage
We loved seeing Maxim UK’s advice to men about head massages. “Girls love being given a head massage,” the editors write. “It can send tingling sensations all the way from her scalp down to her…”—you know where. “And although this may not sound erotic, we defy you not to get a result.” We say yes, yes, yes to this advice.
Photo by OJO Images / Getty.

3. Work Out Together
Fat-burning as foreplay? Men’s Health reminds us that working out with your sweetie can raise dopamine levels and ease anxieties—the perfect storm for satisfying, inhibition-free sex. We knew that, of course, but here’s what was news to us: “[Men’s] post-run sweat has androstadienone, a testosterone derivative that spikes her arousal when she smells it,” the editors write. That may be true, but we still recommend a shower after hitting the gym. Clean also smells sexy.
Photo by Shutterstock.

4. Compliment, Compliment, Compliment
Men’s Health surveyed 2,000 women, and guess what they say we want most in bed? Compliments! And, no, “Wow” or “You’re hot” are not exactly what we’re looking for. Tammy Nelson, PhD, a licensed psychotherapist and the author of Getting the Sex You Want, encourages men to be specific about giving compliments, and we couldn’t agree more. Here are some examples she gives: “‘Your breasts are so soft,’ ‘I love the way you smell,’ ‘I love the sound of your voice.’ The more detailed your praise, the more personal it is to her—it shows her that you derive pleasure from her body, not just from any naked body." Agreed! Psst, ladies: Guys like compliments too! "The biggest part of the love-and-care tactic is complimenting your partner's physical appearance,” says Aaron Goetz, PhD, an assistant professor of psychology at California State University at Fullerton, who also spoke to Men’s Health.
Photo by Shutterstock.

5. Focus on the Feet
If your husband suddenly decides to give you a foot massage before bed, he may have read about one of AskMen.com’s top four tips for helping women orgasm. Surprisingly, one of the website’s sex correspondents reports, “What most of you probably didn’t realize was the importance of warm feet in increasing the likelihood of her experiencing an orgasm. According to Dutch scientists from the University of Groningen, the odds are increased by 30%.” Thanks, guys! We’ll be wearing wool socks and asking for foot rubs more often!
Photo by Shutterstock.

6. Slow Dance
When’s the last time you danced with your husband? At your second cousin’s wedding last summer? At your own wedding? Yep, time for an encore…in the bedroom, say the editors of Maxim’s UK edition. In fact, slow dancing appeared on their list of top 100 foreplay rules as a way to get the juices flowing. “Slow dancing is a long-forgotten part of human seduction, now only performed in half-arsed, awkward fashion at school discos,” the editors write. “We say reclaim it!” And we say, brilliant!
Photo by iStockphoto.

7. Pretend—In Bed
While role-playing may not sound like your thing, the editors at Maxim encourage you to try it. “Done right, role-play can bring a new charge to sex,” writes Maxim’s Elena Wilson. “Many women find taking on another persona liberating, because it frees them from expectations about how they’re supposed to behave in bed.” The bottom line: Keep it simple and fun, and if it doesn’t feel right, laugh it off.
Photo by iStockphoto.

8. Choose Your Music Wisely
Music can make or break the mood, so we like this tip from Men’s Fitness about programming iPods with an appropriate romantic playlist: “Make an iPod playlist to run throughout the night, something that can fill the background. The music should vary throughout the evening,” one of the magazine’s experts advises. “Start out soft yet upbeat, no dance or rap, and let it continue to mellow out as the night progresses." Yes, it’s true, guys: You will never woo us with Metallica.
Photo by Shutterstock.

9. Be Spontaneous
We liked this advice from AskMen.com: “Spontaneity is a key ingredient that is often missing from many sexual relationships after a while,” write the editors. “The bed gets used all too frequently because it’s easy. But it doesn’t matter where you do it—sex can get stale even if you always have it in the kitchen. It might be in the same position with the same amount of foreplay (or lack thereof). Capturing spontaneity again is one of the key ingredients to breaking out of your stale sex routines, so whatever you normally do, don’t. In fact, go ahead and do the opposite.”
Photo by Shutterstock.

10. Try a Daring New Position
Psst! Have you and your husband used the same ol’ position for years? The editors of Men’s Health have a racy suggestion. They rave about something called the “Cuban Plunge” position, which caught our attention. “As you assume the man-on-top position,” they write, “ask her to bring her knees to her chest and drape her legs over your shoulders. Her vagina will be elongated and extended, and your penetration will be deeper and more pleasurable for her, which qualifies as a win-win situation.”
Photo by Shutterstock.


Read more: Sexual Health - Sex Tips from Men's Magazines at WomansDay.com - Woman's Day 

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8 Great-Date Guidelines

Posted by be in mood Wednesday, 18 January 2012 0 comments



1. Pencil it in. Strive to set up at least one mini-date every week — even if it's just grabbing a quick cup of coffee together. And aim to enjoy a real, full-scale date every other week at minimum.

2. Schedule smart. The idea of date night turns off many early-bird couples. If mornings suit you better, make plans earlier in the day — like a leisurely breakfast out or a sunrise walk in the park.

3. Keep it light. Conversations about housekeeping (whose car needs new tires) or problems ("What's up with Mikey's math grades?") are off-limits.

4. Minimize the multitasking. It's tempting to call a trip to the garden center a date, so you can cross two tasks off your to-do list. But don't. The whole point is to concentrate on each other, not your chores.

5. Double-date. When you make it a foursome and share deep conversation — real self-disclosure, not just small talk — you grow closer to the group, but you also feel more deeply in touch with your partner, finds new research from UCLA.

6. Relax about reciprocity. Yes, ideally you and your spouse would share the date-planning responsibility, but face it: If you want date night to happen, it may be faster and easier to set it up yourself.

7. Sex is optional. Contrary to popular opinion, every good date doesn't have to wind up with a frolic in bed. But do remember to end on a high note by thanking each other for making time for the date.

8. Avoid rain checks. While there will be times when you'd really like to cancel a date, try to resist that urge, put on your game face, and go. That lets your spouse know how much you value your time together.


Read more: Date Guidelines - Great Date Ideas - Good Housekeeping 

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Married Sex — Making Lust Last

Posted by be in mood Monday, 16 January 2012 0 comments




People sometimes tell me they know a couple married 20 years whose sex life is still as good as it ever was. Here's what I tell them in return: "There are only three possibilities. One: This couple is lying. Two: They are telling the truth, because they didn't have good sex to begin with. Or three: Sex is all they really have together. They never connected emotionally."
I've drawn that conclusion by listening to the many dozens of husbands and wives I've counseled, almost all of whom have admitted that after 10 or 20 years of marriage, passion became elusive.
Sharing lives is different from sharing dinners and long walks and weekends away. When you were dating the man you ultimately married, you were both acting much of the time (consciously or not), putting your best feet forward in order to be attractive to each other.
When you were sick or had a bad headache, you probably pretended it was no big deal. So did he. Now when your stomach is upset, you feel free to tell him you're about to throw up.
When you had an argument with a close friend or your sister, you might have told him, "It really wasn't the best day, but it's getting better now that we're together." He might have smiled, taken your hand, and said, "Tell me what happened. I want to know." Now when he asks how your day was, you might just say, "Fine," and leave it at that. And he might be happy to leave it at that too.
Nobody would write that kind of dialogue into a romantic movie unless it was a sad or serious one. But that's how married people generally talk because no one can always act adoring or keep up an air of mystery while sharing the same space with his or her spouse, year after year. Here are the truths about sex, as I've learned from years of counseling, for most married couples:

Love is constant; passion needs recharging
No surprise: Everything in the universe eventually demagnetizes when left in proximity to something of the opposite charge. Magnets do, and men and women do too. Some people fall out of lust in seven days, never mind seven years or 17. Basic animal attraction is a force of nature that seems designed to make us mate or not mate for life. Relaxing in our marriages and freeing ourselves from the pressure of trying to impress our partners has a predictable outcome: Our partners are not impressed. The magnetic spell we once cast on them begins to lift.

Cozy is comfortable, but not sexy
To the extent that men and women become real to each other, they cease to be princes and princesses, gods and goddesses who inspire romantic fantasies or amorous worship. Since couples lucky enough to be emotionally genuine with each other share so many real moments, they need to pay special attention to creating magical ones because great sex requires magic. I'd never suggest that a couple trade their warm, safe home life for better sex. Why keep your distance just so you can make love with abandon? I believe you can have a close marriage and recapture a good sex life but only once you admit that reigniting romance takes creativity and a commitment of time and energy.

Intimacy doesn't equal sex
When a man and a woman reveal themselves to each other, it makes each person feel more vulnerable. And, particularly for men, it's hard to have amazing sex while feeling emotionally exposed. Our earliest experiences with being close come from our relationships with parents. And those relationships aren't (in any normal scenario) linked with sexual passion. That's why some husbands and wives are open about what pleases them sexually only when they have affairs. They feel as if they have to be free of "family" to be free with their amorous impulses.

Having kids definitely doesn't lead to better sex
Children in the home define husbands and wives as parents first and foremost, not lovers. That further sets the psychological cement that reminds us we are in a family home, not a love nest. Most couples get caught up in the momentum of deciding who's going to drive which child where, how everyone will end up getting dinner, who's doing laundry because there's no clean underwear for tomorrow, and more. It's hard to switch gears and end up in overdrive in bed.

The love nest you create often feels a lot like the family nest you left 
The way we behave in marriage frequently ends up resembling how we acted with our parents and siblings rather than the way we acted on our honeymoon. We wind up expressing jealousies transplanted from sibling rivalries, or we shut down because we feel like we aren't getting the attention we missed as children. And when childhood dramas take over a marriage, the spouses start to drift apart, especially sexually, because powerful, conflicted emotions from the past siphon any pure passion from the present.

What turns him on? You may be the last person in the world he'd tell
With all the talk about the difference between sex and intimacy, the two are powerfully connected. That's why what moves us sexually is usually one of our most closely guarded secrets. It's a window to our soul. In a marriage, opening that window means being seen emotionally naked 24/7. That's why many people don't open it at all. And that's a big loss. In working with couples for more than 15 years, I've rarely met anyone who doesn't welcome hearing a partner's sexual fantasies, once that person summons the courage to reveal them. I've seen lots of people blush, but I've never seen anyone get angry.

5 Ways to Put the X Back in Married Sex

Luckily, with so much passion locked inside us, there's a lot to unlock. It's just a matter of finding the right key. For most couples, being married makes being passionate together more difficult, not less. Admitting this is happening is the first step toward making it stop. You can change your sex life this week. Pick one item from this five-point plan and try it out. Have your husband pick another for next week. You'll be on your way to married sex that works. Trust me. Not only am I a doctor I've been married for 12 years.

1. Assume you don't know everything about each other sexually. 
As I've said, very often a husband and wife can be married for many years without ever telling each other what they find most exciting in bed. This is partly because many people remain painfully embarrassed about their sexual needs. But it's also because too much is at stake — namely, the emotional bond between husbands and wives — to gamble it on fulfilling a need that might be seen as odd, selfish, or simply beyond the comfort level of their partners for life. And after years pass, it often becomes more and more difficult to reveal a "hidden" desire, because it feels like introducing something very foreign into the relationship (or admitting that you've been fibbing about your sexual desires all that time).

2. Offer up an emotionally safe way to explore each other's fantasies.
The walls separating husbands and wives romantically do not dissolve spontaneously. They have to be dismantled piece by piece. You can start by inviting your husband to slowly reveal aspects of his sexuality. I recommend my patients say something relatively nonthreatening, like, "I had the craziest thought. Why don't you tell me something you think would really surprise me about what you wish we could do in bed? Then I promise to tell you something I think would surprise you." Putting it that way assures the other person that you anticipate being taken aback, and welcome it. And that means your husband doesn't automatically have to edit out the most erotic parts of his fantasy. If saying anything out loud is just too embarrassing for you, try putting a block of Post-its in an envelope for him with a note that says, Leave a fantasy under my pillow, and I'll wake you up in the middle of the night.

3. To make sex less intimidating, turn it into a game.
Ask your partner to tell you three of his fantasies, and you get to choose one to act out. Then it's his turn, you tell him three of yours, and he selects one. If he wants to pick two from your list, and you take him up on that offer, he also gets one of the two remaining fantasies on his list. Bargaining builds romantic tension. Being playful will be a welcome reminder of how energized the two of you once were and could be again. As an alternative, you could simply say, "I know you haven't told me everything you like in bed, even though we've been together for years. So give it up: What have you been dying to do?"

4. Provide examples. 
In order for your spouse to believe that you want to hear his real fantasies, you'll have to prove it by giving a believable example. Otherwise, he'll think you expect him to say something nice about you falling asleep in his arms. Try something like this: "You know, whatever really excites you — being tied up, pretending I'm someone else, you name it."

5. Give real-life routine a rest. 
Monotony (not to be confused with monogamy) is the enemy of passion. In order to see your mate as the prince, and for him to see you as the princess, it helps to set the stage and put on the right costume. Tell him to meet you at a restaurant for a date. Dress to impress each other. Then surprise him with a key to a motel room or a secluded beach cottage — no packing allowed. Even if an overnight isn't possible, you can alter your look to be "new" for your partner. A different style of clothing or different hairstyle or even a tiny tattoo on your ankle might trigger new feelings in him. Being "different" for him in bed doesn't mean he won't love you for everything you've always been outside the bedroom. But part of him (you know which part) wants to believe he just met you. And there's nothing wrong with your wanting to meet him for the first time too. Feel free to suggest that a beard or more closely cropped hair might look cool on him for a while.

Ironically, the kind of fantasies we try to keep so private are the kind of scenes that actually do appear in movies. That suggests that all of us have some potential to write true romance into our lives. We just have to decide it's time to start. My guess is you won't get too far down that road before you notice the passion wasn't really gone from your relationship. It was just hibernating.


Read more: Married Sex - How to Make Lust Last - Good Housekeeping 

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6 Ways to Make Anal Sex More Pleasurable (and More Fun!)

Posted by be in mood 0 comments

Credit: iStockphoto.com


Editor's Note: It's no surprise that men love anal sex, but not all women feel the same way. How can anal sex be more pleasurable (and more fun) for you? Check out these anal sex tips from AskMen.com. (Guys want women to love anal sex in hopes that you'll want to have it more often!)

Although still considered taboo in certain parts of the world, anal sex is quickly becoming a more accepted part of people's sex lives. That said, there are certain things you can do to ensure that your backdoor fun is the best it can be, regardless of whether you're giving it to her or she's venturing into your region. Now then, here are six anal sex tips to make anal sex pleasurable and a memorable experience for the right reasons every time you engage in the deed.
  • Don't insist on penetration

    Although it's hard to believe, you don't need to stick your fingers or penis inside the rectum for the pleasurable sensations associated with anal sex. And although it might be a bitter pill for some guys to swallow, but when you're receiving anal sex, you don't need to have anything put inside you either. By simply rubbing the anus or even licking it, known as rimming, the receiving person can derive awesome sensations.
  • Make it feel good all the time

    Although many women have told us that their first anal sex experience (and sometimes their second and third) hurt a lot, but ladies, it doesn't have to. We're serious. Now, if she isn't calm and relaxed, it's going to hurt. If you insist on shoving your penis inside her (like ripping off a bandage -- one shot), it's going to hurt. If you don't use lubrication, it's going to hurt. You need to talk about it and both of you need to agree to do it happily; no one should be coerced into it. You also need to be patient and let her lead the way. If you are going to engage in anal sex, let her hold your penis and guide it in slowly. Go in about an inch, then pull out completely, then go in about an inch farther and pull out completely. Keep going in and out at one-inch intervals and pretty soon you'll be in.
    • Plus, don't miss our top tools:


  • Understand that there are 2 sphincters

    Assphincter says: "what?" [Editor's Note: You knew that was coming, right?] There are two sphincter muscles in the anus (if you place your finger inside about inch deep and press against the side, you'll feel them), and they are less than an inch apart. While you can control the external sphincter at will, the internal sphincter is not the same. It reacts more in a reflexive way. So while your partner may assure you that she's relaxed and willing, her internal sphincter may prove otherwise. The point is that you need to be patient and give your partner time to learn how to relax and try different positions to make it happen.



  • Stimulate the anal region while doing other things

    The sensation of touching the anus or rectum alone may feel uncomfortable for your girl or even yourself, but couple it with penetration or oral sex, and suddenly it'll feel so much better. For example, while you're engaging in vaginal sex, you can insert a sex toy into your girl's anus to give her the sensation of DP, or double penetration. And she can insert a toy into yours while you're penetrating her or she's performing oral sex on you. It's up to you to decide what you're comfortable with.



  • Change your diet

    If you or she don't eat fiber, raw vegetables and fruit, opting for a lot of processed foods instead, then you won't be contributing to a desirable anal sex experience. Regular bowel movements are conducive to both comfort and confidence when it comes to anal sex. Adult film stars about to engage in anal sex always undergo enemas beforehand to ensure no "slip-ups." So make sure that your diet is a healthy one and, although fiber is recommended, try to avoid eating it a few hours before you're set to engage in anal sex.



  • Obey the rules of hygiene

    There's a reason why women have to wipe from front to back when they do No. 2; trace amounts of feces may cause infection. The same rules apply to anal sex. If you put your penis or fingers in or around her anus, you cannot simply revert to her vagina afterward. There are ways to resolve this issue, however. You can always discard the "anal sex" condom and put on a new one for vaginal entry. As for your fingers, you can always keep baby wipes close by and wipe your hands before you use them on her vagina. Remember; you can go from the vagina to the anus, but not the other way around. Hopefully you know your female anatomy.

    • Back door, man

    Ensure anal sex is fun by making certain that you and your girl are comfortable. If she gets squeamish when you suggest it, find out why. Don't be afraid to communicate about sex and what you like; it'll bring you closer together and enhance your sex life. Keep in mind that anal sex can be very dangerous and spread STDs, so unless you're in a monogamous relationship and you've both been tested for diseases, we strongly urge you to use condoms and latex barriers in anal sex and any other variety of sex.


    Read More http://www.ivillage.com/6-ways-make-anal-sex-more-pleasurable-and-more-fun/4-a-284229?p=3#ixzz1jgrAdQ82

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    Anal sex

    Posted by be in mood 2 comments


    Anal sex

    Reviewed by Dr David  Delvin, GP and family planning specialist
    Anal sex has always been a highly controversial subject, and the controversy that surrounds it looks set to continue into 2012 because evidence accumulates that this practice may sometimes lead to anal cancer.

    What is it?

    Anal sex means sexual activity involving the bottom – in particular, the type of intercourse in which the penis goes into the anus. It's often referred to as 'rectal sex'.
    Anal sex does carry considerable health risks, so please read our advice carefully.
    Our impression is that anal sex has become rather more common in heterosexual couples, partly because they have watched 'blue movies' in which this activity so often occurs.
    One small study carried out in 2009 suggested that in the UK, 30 per cent of pornographic DVDs feature rectal intercourse. Often, it is presented as something that is both routine and painless for women. In real life, this is not the case.
    Other types of sexual activity which involve the anus include:
    • 'postillionage' – which means putting a finger into the partner's bottom
    • insertion of 'butt plugs' – which are sex toys that dilate the anal opening and create a sensation of fullness
    • use of vibrators on or in the anus (please see cautionary note below)
    • 'rimming' – which is oral-anal contact; this carries a significant risk of infection
    • 'fisting' – which means putting the hand into the rectum; this activity is rare among heterosexual couples.

    Taboos and infection

    There are taboos surrounding the various types of anal sex – and particularly anal intercourse.
    These may arouse strong feelings of moral indignation, guilt and anxiety.
    It is important to remember that while some people find these activities repugnant, others may find them stimulating, exciting and a normal part of their sexual intimacy.
    Research shows that, whether we like it or not, the anal area is equipped with many erotic nerve endings – in both men and women.
    So it's not surprising that many couples (including a lot of heterosexual ones) derive pleasure from some form of 'bottom stimulation'.
    What about infection? Most sexual activities carry a risk of transmission of sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) ranging from gonorrhoea and herpes to hepatitis Band HIV.
    There's evidence that anal intercourse carries a higher transmission risk than almost any other sexual activity. Information about these risks is given below.

    Consent

    What consenting adults enjoy sexually in the privacy of their homes is their own business provided that the law does not prohibit it.
    The key issues are legality and consent. In the UK, anal intercourse is now a legal activity between consenting men and women aged 16 and over, in both heterosexual and homosexual relationships, except in Northern Ireland where it's 17 and over.
    In some countries it is still a criminal offence punishable by long custodial sentences, and corporal or even capital punishment. It remains forbidden in some states of the USA, though in practice a Supreme Court decision of 2003 appears to invalidate these state laws.
    Anal intercourse is legally forbidden in some former colonies of Britain, notably in the West Indies.
    Consent freely given by both partners is an essential feature of sexual activity in a loving relationship. Many individuals, both men and women, may have secret fantasies involving anal intercourse but feel unable to discuss them with their partner.
    Some may try and pressurise their partner to have anal intercourse, even though the partner does not share their interest. Some partners will reluctantly acquiesce, others may be pressured or even physically forced to allow it.
    Forcing or pressurising a partner to submit to an activity that they find distasteful or degrading is completely unacceptable behaviour.
    Intoxication with drugs or alcohol is associated with lowering inhibitions and experimentation with unusual or unsafe sexual behaviour – and can lead to serious consequences.
    Some male gay couples use the drugs known as 'poppers' (nitrates) to try to relax the anal sphincter and so make penetration easier. But these agents do carry some risk of side-effects.
    It should be remembered that in the absence of freely given consent, the very serious criminal offences of assault and rape are committed.
    Therefore, it's essential that both partners agree that they wish to try anal sex as a part of their sexual repertoire and that they are sure of the legal position on anal intercourse in the country that they are in.

    Who does it?

    There is a common misconception that anal sex is practised almost exclusively by gay men. This is certainly not the case.
    It's widely claimed that one third of gay couples do not include anal intercourse in their lovemaking. According to one estimate, about a third of heterosexual couples have tried it from time to time.
    It's thought that about 10 per cent of heterosexual couples have anal intercourse as a more regular feature of their lovemaking.
    In absolute numbers, more heterosexual couples have anal sex than homosexual couples, because many more people are heterosexual.

    Is it safe?

    Anal sex, if practised with care, is possible for most couples.
    It does, however, carry health risks and there are safer sexual practices that couples can enjoy.
    The main health risks, which affect both heterosexual and homosexual couples, are described below.
    • Human immunodeficiency virus (HIV): there is no doubt that anal intercourse carries a greater risk of transmission of HIV – the virus that can cause acquired immunodeficiency syndrome (AIDS) – than other sexual activities, particularly for the receptive partner.
    • Human papilloma virus and warts: this virus can be transmitted during anal intercourse and that may lead to anal warts.
    • HPV and anal cancer: unfortunately, certain strains of HPV virus do have carcinogenic (cancer-provoking) potential. There are some types of HPV that cause cancer of the cervix in women and probably also cancer of the throat. Round about the beginning of the present century, research showed that HPV could be isolated from the tissues of many anal cancers. By 2008, it became clear that people who had been anally penetrated by multiple partners were unusually likely to get carcinoma of the anus. A Danish study has recently suggested that gay men may have a 17-fold increase in risk of anal cancer – but close inspection of this paper reveals that the number of people involved was very small. So the case is not quite proven yet, but there are enough data to suggest that if you are going in for anal intercourse, it's safest to do it with only one regular partner.
    • Hepatitis A (infectious hepatitis): this is a viral infection that can cause jaundiceand abdominal pain. Hepatitis A is not usually a life-threatening illness, although sufferers can feel quite ill. It can be transmitted by oral-anal contact.
    • Hepatitis C: is a cause of progressive and sometimes fatal chronic liver disease. Hepatitis C may be transmitted by anal intercourse, although this seems to be a rare occurrence. Sharing of equipment for intravenous drug use is a far more important risk for transmission.
    • Escherichia coli (E. coli): may sometimes cause mild to severe, or even (very rarely) fatal, gastroenteritis. It is one of many viruses and bacteria that can be transmitted by oral-anal contact. Some E. coli strains (uropathic E. coli) can also cause urinary tract infections (UTIs), ranging from cystitis to pyelonephritis – a serious kidney infection. E. coli very readily crosses the short distance between the female anus and the female urinary opening, so causing a urinary infection. Anal intercourse can facilitate this transfer, particularly if it is immediately followed by vaginal intercourse.

    Protection

    Avoiding anal sex altogether is of course the best way of avoiding these risks.
    There are other, safer sexual practices that can be exciting and rewarding, but many couples may still wish to try the anal route.
    The use of condoms and water-based lubricants, such as K-Y Jelly, will offer some protection.
    Other lubricants may cause condoms to split, as will over-energetic thrusting without adequate lubrication.
    Specially toughened condoms designed for anal intercourse may offer more protection.

    How to have anal intercourse safely

    Anal intercourse involves the penetration of the anus and rectum with the erect penis for the purpose of sexual stimulation.
    It is possible for both men and women to 'receive' it, although care is needed for it to be safe and comfortable.
    Ensure the anal area is clean and the bowel is empty. This is important both aesthetically and practically. If the bowel is empty, there is no risk of the receptive partner passing faeces.
    First try gently inserting a lubricated finger, perhaps covered by a condom or glove into the anus. This will enable the receiving partner to find out whether penetration is comfortable and enjoyable. Having managed to accommodate one finger, you can run it around the anal canal – gently stretching it. This must be done delicately so as not to cause pain or injury.
    If this is successfully achieved, the couple may agree to try with a well-lubricated penis or with a butt plug (a broad-based anal dilator), dildo or vibrator (see below about the risks of sex aids and anal sex).
    Gentleness, care, adequate lubrication and anal relaxation are required, not the insertive partner pushing harder! If condoms are used for penile penetration, which is advisable to reduce the risk of sexually transmitted disease, it is important to use a water-based lubricant. The insertive partner must be gentle with any thrusting, so as to give the receptive partner time to allow the sphincter to relax. With time and practice, this may become easier.

    Drugs and anal sex

    • Muscle relaxant drugs (amyl nitrate, butyl nitrate, glyceryl trinitrate) have been tried to make anal intercourse easier or more comfortable. We do notrecommend this. Amyl nitrate 'poppers' sold in small bottles for inhalation, are popular in the gay community and have a reputation both for enhancing the intensity of orgasm and helping relax the anal sphincter. There's no real evidence to support these assertions and its use is not recommended by medical authorities. It is important to remember that amyl nitrate is a potent drug with many side-effects, including facial flushing, headaches, dizziness and low blood pressure, which may lead to faintness and loss of consciousness. Amyl nitrate, when taken with Viagra (sildenafil), may cause a catastrophic drop in blood pressure with potentially fatal consequences. Other nitrates may have the same effect. All erection-inducing drugs, including Viagra (sildenafil), Cialis (tadalafil)and Levitra tablets (vardenafil), can be very dangerous if you are using nitrates.
    • Local anaesthetics, such as lignocaine (lidocaine) cream or even locally applied cocaine, have been used to reduce anal pain during intercourse. Again, we strongly advise against this. By numbing the anal skin there is a real risk of causing serious injury to the anal sphincter through over-vigorous thrusting. By following the steps above it is possible to gently dilate the sphincter for comfortable intercourse. The purpose of pain is to make us aware that we are causing injury and, therefore, local anaesthetics should be avoided. Another problem with local anaesthetics is that they may make the penis of the insertive partner numb. This may lead to problems with erection, orgasm and ejaculation.

    Fisting

    This means putting the whole hand into the rectum.
    With adequate relaxation it's physically possible, and it may be acceptable and enjoyable for some couples. But the diameter of the hand is so much greater than that of the penis that there's an increased risk of anal injury. For that reason, we do not recommend this practice.
    In reality, anal fisting is very rarely used by heterosexual couples.

    Rimming

    Rimming involves oral contact with the anus for sexual stimulation. This involves a high risk of transmission of infection. So we cannot recommend this practice.

    Sex aids and anal sex – a cautionary note

    Some couples like to use sex aids for insertion into the anus. Certain individuals may use them for solitary sexual stimulation.
    The same principles apply as for genital insertion in that relaxation is essential. Sex aids must be kept clean and washed carefully between use. Condoms may be placed over sex aids as an additional precaution.
    One additional risk from the use of sex aids in anal sex is that of losing the aid into the rectum.
    Some medical school pathology museums have a wide selection of novel foreign bodies recovered from the rectums of both men and women, ranging from vibrators to milk bottles.
    Human ingenuity seems to know no bounds in this area, but it is incredibly foolish to insert potentially breakable objects into the anus and terrible injuries may result.
    If you do lose a sex aid into the rectum you should attend the Accident and Emergency department of your local hospital as soon as possible, however embarrassing it may be. The situation will only get worse if it is neglected and the object may break or become more difficult to recover.
    In general, you should only use a sex aid which is designed for the anus. Butt plugs and anal vibrators have a broad base, which makes it difficult to 'lose' them inside the rectum.
    Vaginal vibrators are not designed in this way, and can easily slip inside and buzz their way up the colon. Some have been recovered by surgeons from far inside the abdomen.
    If they are still vibrating when the patient arrives at the hospital, they produce an interesting but alarming phenomenon called 'the rotating umbilicus sign'. Don't let this happen to you.


    Based on a text by Dr John Dean, specialist in sexual medicine, and Dr David  Delvin, GP and family planning specialist
    Last updated 15.12.2011
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